1 00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:01,375 My friend, Miranda, was dating Thomas John Anderson, 2 00:01:01,458 --> 00:01:03,792 an up and coming New York playwright. 3 00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:04,875 Oh, God! 4 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:05,959 Oh, God! 5 00:01:06,041 --> 00:01:07,125 Oh, God! 6 00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:08,959 Oh, God! 7 00:01:09,041 --> 00:01:12,792 That was wonderful. 8 00:01:12,875 --> 00:01:15,875 Things were going great except for one thing. 9 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:17,667 I'll be right back. 10 00:01:19,458 --> 00:01:21,208 Immediately after sex, 11 00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:24,125 he'd hop out of bed and shower. 12 00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:27,917 Oh, God! 13 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,500 Oh, God! 14 00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:31,125 Oh, God! 15 00:01:31,208 --> 00:01:32,834 Oh, God! 16 00:01:35,083 --> 00:01:36,041 Wow! 17 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:37,875 Be right back. 18 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:40,125 Night after night, it was the same thing. 19 00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:41,458 Oh, God! 20 00:01:41,542 --> 00:01:42,667 Oh, God! 21 00:01:42,750 --> 00:01:44,625 Oh, God! 22 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,041 - I'll be right... - Yeah. 23 00:01:49,125 --> 00:01:51,625 She decided to confront Thomas John Anderson 24 00:01:51,709 --> 00:01:53,333 as soon as he dried off. 25 00:01:57,333 --> 00:02:00,500 So, what's with the showers? 26 00:02:01,375 --> 00:02:02,625 What do you mean? 27 00:02:02,709 --> 00:02:05,291 You always get up and shower right after we're done. 28 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,417 I'm starting to feel like it's me. 29 00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:10,458 Oh, no, no, no, it's not you. 30 00:02:10,542 --> 00:02:11,959 It's just... 31 00:02:12,041 --> 00:02:13,125 What? 32 00:02:13,208 --> 00:02:14,500 Just a habit I have. 33 00:02:14,583 --> 00:02:18,125 Growing up, the nuns told us that sex was a sin, 34 00:02:18,208 --> 00:02:22,667 so I just got into the habit of taking a shower after I... 35 00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:23,834 you know, came. 36 00:02:23,917 --> 00:02:25,291 Oh, the nuns. 37 00:02:25,375 --> 00:02:29,583 Miranda suddenly realized she was dating "Catholic guy." 38 00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:31,458 So you think the water serves as 39 00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:33,792 a retro baptism kind of thing? 40 00:02:33,875 --> 00:02:35,625 Beats me, if I'd known he was Catholic, 41 00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:37,709 I never would've gone out with him in the first place. 42 00:02:37,792 --> 00:02:39,375 They should make them wear a sign. 43 00:02:39,458 --> 00:02:40,792 Single people in New York 44 00:02:40,875 --> 00:02:43,166 rarely ask about their dates' religious backgrounds 45 00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,875 for the same reason they don't ask 46 00:02:44,959 --> 00:02:47,417 the number of former sex partners, too scary. 47 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:50,166 I mean, he's a rational, logical guy 48 00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,375 in every respect but this. 49 00:02:52,458 --> 00:02:54,667 Clean, you forgot clean. He's a clean guy. 50 00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:57,000 Leave it to me to find the only religious guy 51 00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:58,667 still left in Manhattan. 52 00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:01,333 New York is a city filled with places to worship, 53 00:03:01,417 --> 00:03:03,041 but it recently dawned on me, 54 00:03:03,125 --> 00:03:06,291 the only time I ever heard anyone mention going into one 55 00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:08,667 was for a singles mixer. 56 00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:12,333 Are relationships the religion of the 90's? 57 00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:15,166 Having been raised in the church of "Be nice to people 58 00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:17,166 and don't talk with your mouth full," 59 00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:20,208 I decided to check out some more traditional religious types 60 00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:21,709 in their natural habitat. 61 00:03:21,792 --> 00:03:23,500 As I watched people leaving church, 62 00:03:23,583 --> 00:03:25,458 I was amazed at how they looked. 63 00:03:25,542 --> 00:03:27,250 Valentino, Escada, 64 00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:28,875 Oscar de la Renta. 65 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,875 What is it about God and fashion 66 00:03:30,959 --> 00:03:32,834 that go so well together? 67 00:03:32,917 --> 00:03:36,792 And suddenly, there he was wearing Armani on Sunday... 68 00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:39,583 Mr. Big. 69 00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:41,375 I admit it was kind of a shock. 70 00:03:41,458 --> 00:03:45,250 Up until that moment, I thought he only believed in the Yankees. 71 00:03:51,792 --> 00:03:53,792 Well, hello there, church-goer. 72 00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:55,500 Hey... 73 00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:57,709 What are you doing here? 74 00:03:57,792 --> 00:03:59,041 Research. 75 00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:01,709 I'm doing a column on closet Presbyterians. 76 00:04:01,792 --> 00:04:02,709 You know any? 77 00:04:02,792 --> 00:04:04,166 Actually, I'm an atheist, 78 00:04:04,250 --> 00:04:06,500 but don't tell that to the minister. 79 00:04:06,583 --> 00:04:08,333 Who's the mystery woman? 80 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,041 My mother. 81 00:04:12,166 --> 00:04:14,500 I take her to church every Sunday. 82 00:04:14,583 --> 00:04:16,542 Really? 83 00:04:16,625 --> 00:04:18,041 I'm so loving that. 84 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,208 How come you never told me? 85 00:04:20,291 --> 00:04:22,834 Well, you write every Sunday, so... 86 00:04:22,917 --> 00:04:26,417 So, every Sunday... church. 87 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,000 Right. 88 00:04:31,959 --> 00:04:33,917 You know, I've got 20 minutes before my racquetball game. 89 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,667 Why don't we have a cup of coffee? 90 00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:37,000 Oh, I can't, I'm on deadline 91 00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:40,125 and this cappuccino just kicked in, so... 92 00:04:40,917 --> 00:04:42,250 So? 93 00:04:42,333 --> 00:04:43,500 Bye. 94 00:04:46,792 --> 00:04:48,083 God bless. 95 00:04:48,166 --> 00:04:50,375 It was one of those awkward relationship moments 96 00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:52,500 where you feel like you know nothing about 97 00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:55,625 the person you thought you knew everything about. 98 00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:57,291 He goes to church with his mother? 99 00:04:57,375 --> 00:04:59,625 - That can't be good. - Oh, don't listen to her. 100 00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:02,625 A man who cares about his mother makes a wonderful husband. 101 00:05:02,709 --> 00:05:03,875 I think it's sweet. 102 00:05:03,959 --> 00:05:05,166 Sure, all religions are sweet 103 00:05:05,250 --> 00:05:07,291 until you get to that shower after sex phase. 104 00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,959 Oh, my God, is he still doing that? 105 00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:10,750 Please, it's amazing he has any skin left. 106 00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,750 Well, have you tried taking a shower with him? 107 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:15,792 No, I'm afraid he'll pull out garlic and a cross. 108 00:05:15,875 --> 00:05:18,667 So which church does his mother go to? 109 00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:19,959 Park Avenue Presbyterian. 110 00:05:20,041 --> 00:05:20,959 Good church. 111 00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:22,792 It's one of the best on the east side. 112 00:05:22,875 --> 00:05:24,083 What are you rating churches? 113 00:05:24,166 --> 00:05:25,417 Is there a Zagat guide for that? 114 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:26,750 Four stars, great bread, 115 00:05:26,834 --> 00:05:28,291 disappointing wine selection. 116 00:05:28,375 --> 00:05:31,792 The thing is, I'm dying to meet his mother. 117 00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:32,959 Can you imagine? 118 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:35,083 Getting on the good side of his mother 119 00:05:35,166 --> 00:05:36,750 is like closing the deal. 120 00:05:36,834 --> 00:05:38,041 Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. 121 00:05:38,125 --> 00:05:39,500 Well, it's about time. 122 00:05:39,583 --> 00:05:41,667 I just had a five hour lunch with James. 123 00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:43,667 Five hour lunches, I remember those. 124 00:05:43,750 --> 00:05:46,291 Ladies, I have an announcement. 125 00:05:46,375 --> 00:05:48,083 Please don't laugh. 126 00:05:48,166 --> 00:05:49,125 What? 127 00:05:49,959 --> 00:05:51,875 - I'm in love. - What? 128 00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:54,500 Samantha uttering those words to us 129 00:05:54,583 --> 00:05:56,875 was an event as unfathomable 130 00:05:56,959 --> 00:06:00,417 as Moses parting the Red Sea. 131 00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,834 It all started a couple of weeks ago 132 00:06:02,917 --> 00:06:05,041 on a particularly blah Wednesday night. 133 00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:06,959 Samantha decided to treat herself 134 00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:09,083 to a night of great music. 135 00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:15,667 I couldn't help but notice how you move to the music. 136 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,667 It's beautiful. 137 00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,709 Well, I love jazz. 138 00:06:19,792 --> 00:06:21,750 That's pretty clear. 139 00:06:21,834 --> 00:06:24,333 Are you a musician? 140 00:06:24,959 --> 00:06:26,750 Yeah. 141 00:06:26,834 --> 00:06:28,750 Trapped in the body of a lawyer. 142 00:06:28,834 --> 00:06:31,625 Well, we won't tell anyone. 143 00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,667 May I join you? 144 00:06:35,583 --> 00:06:36,959 Sure. 145 00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:43,750 After they closed the jazz joint, 146 00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:45,458 they walked and talked for blocks. 147 00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:48,083 You have to at least try one of the glazed. 148 00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:49,959 It's a little bit of heaven. 149 00:06:51,125 --> 00:06:53,208 Mmm, heavenly. 150 00:06:53,291 --> 00:06:55,583 And I never thought I'd get there. 151 00:06:55,667 --> 00:06:57,583 Why not? 152 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,208 An angel like you? 153 00:07:00,542 --> 00:07:02,417 And then Samantha did something 154 00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,583 rather shocking for a first date. 155 00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:06,500 She didn't ask him home. 156 00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:08,875 Thanks, James. 157 00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:12,542 I had a wonderful time. 158 00:07:12,625 --> 00:07:14,667 Can I see you again? 159 00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:17,208 I'd love that. 160 00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,667 And with that one touch, 161 00:07:21,750 --> 00:07:25,083 Samantha, who was never a believer in relationships, 162 00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:27,125 suddenly became a convert. 163 00:07:27,208 --> 00:07:28,875 I mean, I'd totally given up on the idea 164 00:07:28,959 --> 00:07:30,917 that you could actually talk to men. 165 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,375 Hey, don't spread that around. 166 00:07:32,458 --> 00:07:34,291 Before James, all my conversations 167 00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:36,125 consisted of two sentences. 168 00:07:36,208 --> 00:07:39,291 "Give it to me" and "Go home." 169 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,291 And I owe it all to Charlotte. 170 00:07:41,375 --> 00:07:42,625 Me? 171 00:07:42,709 --> 00:07:44,291 What did I do? 172 00:07:44,375 --> 00:07:45,959 All that bullshit you spout 173 00:07:46,041 --> 00:07:49,041 about not sleeping with men right away actually paid off. 174 00:07:49,125 --> 00:07:51,250 I mean, if I'd fucked James already, 175 00:07:51,333 --> 00:07:52,709 who knows where we'd be. 176 00:07:52,792 --> 00:07:54,875 Wait, you haven't had sex yet? 177 00:07:54,959 --> 00:07:56,000 Soon. 178 00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:58,125 You know, 179 00:07:58,208 --> 00:08:01,542 I think he's someone I could actually marry. 180 00:08:02,875 --> 00:08:05,291 Samantha, that's great. 181 00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:06,792 The idea that Samantha 182 00:08:06,875 --> 00:08:08,917 could possibly get married before she did, 183 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,333 shook Charlotte's beliefs to the core. 184 00:08:11,417 --> 00:08:13,417 She took some drastic action. 185 00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:15,834 She made an appointment to see Noanie Stein, 186 00:08:15,917 --> 00:08:18,291 psychic to the stars, and a cosmic connection 187 00:08:18,375 --> 00:08:19,667 who lived in a brownstone 188 00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,875 between Central Park West and Columbus. 189 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:23,667 Is this you and Madonna? 190 00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:26,792 Yeah, we go to the same kabbalah class. 191 00:08:28,417 --> 00:08:29,583 Now... 192 00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:32,041 Pick three cards, 193 00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:34,959 face down with your left hand. 194 00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:37,834 Charlotte had heard about Noanie through a sorority sister 195 00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:41,166 whose marriage she had very accurately predicted. 196 00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:42,333 Okay, 197 00:08:42,417 --> 00:08:46,041 now is there one question in particular? 198 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:50,500 Well, no, just... 199 00:08:50,583 --> 00:08:52,083 There is. 200 00:08:52,917 --> 00:08:54,792 When will I get married? 201 00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,583 Ace of wands, prosperity. 202 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,542 Nine of cups, 203 00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:06,083 strength and independence. 204 00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:10,875 The hanged man, a new awakening. 205 00:09:10,959 --> 00:09:13,750 You're a strong independent woman 206 00:09:13,834 --> 00:09:15,542 with great success in your future, 207 00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:17,625 but I do not see marriage. 208 00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:20,458 Excuse me? 209 00:09:20,542 --> 00:09:21,959 I don't see it. 210 00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:23,792 What? 211 00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:25,792 I don't see marriage. 212 00:09:25,875 --> 00:09:28,291 Well, how can you just... 213 00:09:28,375 --> 00:09:30,542 say that like that? 214 00:09:30,625 --> 00:09:34,208 I mean, what about my feelings? 215 00:09:34,291 --> 00:09:37,750 Honey, I'm a psychic, I'm not a shrink. 216 00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:40,375 So, who is this fabulous mother in the hat, 217 00:09:40,458 --> 00:09:43,458 and when do I get to go to church with you two? 218 00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:46,041 You want to go to church? 219 00:09:46,125 --> 00:09:49,000 You say that like I'm the Antichrist or something. 220 00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:51,667 No, it's just I never thought of you 221 00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,417 as the church type. 222 00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:54,959 Oh, really? 223 00:09:55,041 --> 00:09:56,333 What type am I? 224 00:09:56,417 --> 00:10:00,458 The incredibly beautiful and intelligent type. 225 00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,542 What religion are you? 226 00:10:03,625 --> 00:10:05,834 I'm no one religion in particular. 227 00:10:05,917 --> 00:10:06,917 I'm open to all. 228 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,625 Oh, kind of like a 7-11? 229 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,041 Come on, 230 00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:12,792 I want to go to church with you and your mommy. 231 00:10:12,875 --> 00:10:14,417 How about this Sunday? 232 00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:18,083 Well, it's just a private little thing 233 00:10:18,166 --> 00:10:20,625 my mother and I do, just the two of us. 234 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,125 Want to go to the Caribbean next week? 235 00:10:31,208 --> 00:10:33,291 Sure, I'll go pack my Jet Ski. 236 00:10:33,375 --> 00:10:34,458 No, I'm serious. 237 00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:36,625 We can both use a vacation, come on. 238 00:10:36,709 --> 00:10:39,208 The sun, the sand, you and me. 239 00:10:39,291 --> 00:10:41,333 You waiting on me. Can you get away? 240 00:10:41,417 --> 00:10:43,041 Yeah, but I can't afford it. 241 00:10:43,125 --> 00:10:44,625 Well, I'll tell you what. 242 00:10:44,709 --> 00:10:46,667 I'll buy the tickets, when we get to St. Barts, 243 00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:49,875 you can buy me one big margarita. 244 00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:54,125 Oh, God! 245 00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:56,125 Oh, God! 246 00:10:56,208 --> 00:10:57,834 Oh, God! 247 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,834 Wait, I want to hold you. 248 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:08,959 I'll be right back. 249 00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:10,375 Stay here a second. 250 00:11:12,375 --> 00:11:16,083 Isn't this nice? Us together? 251 00:11:16,166 --> 00:11:18,166 Yeah. 252 00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,041 Look, I'm just gonna go jump in the shower 253 00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:22,917 and then boom, I'm all yours. 254 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,583 There's nothing sinful about sex. 255 00:11:27,083 --> 00:11:30,083 Oh, oh, really? 256 00:11:30,166 --> 00:11:32,875 Well, thanks for clearing that up. 257 00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,917 And what is that? The gospel according to Miranda? 258 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,500 What are you gonna tell me next, that God made the body? 259 00:11:38,583 --> 00:11:39,834 And if God made the body 260 00:11:39,917 --> 00:11:41,500 and sex is an expression of that body, 261 00:11:41,583 --> 00:11:44,000 how can anything made by that God-made body 262 00:11:44,083 --> 00:11:45,500 be considered sin? 263 00:11:45,583 --> 00:11:47,375 Well, yeah. 264 00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:50,583 Oh, it's a miracle, I'm healed! 265 00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,750 You're free to go work with the lepers now. 266 00:11:52,834 --> 00:11:54,750 I guess this means I'm not going to hell. 267 00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:56,333 Great news! 268 00:11:56,417 --> 00:11:57,875 Thank you, Miranda. 269 00:11:57,959 --> 00:12:00,542 Thank you for saving my immortal soul. 270 00:12:00,625 --> 00:12:02,375 In her effort to help, 271 00:12:02,458 --> 00:12:05,166 Miranda had accidentally detonated some kind of 272 00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:07,000 Catholic guilt bomb. 273 00:12:07,959 --> 00:12:10,041 I'm gonna go take a shower. 274 00:12:10,125 --> 00:12:11,208 When I come out, 275 00:12:11,291 --> 00:12:13,166 I'd kind of like it if you weren't here. 276 00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:15,250 You got it. 277 00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:17,750 Six months later, that exact same speech 278 00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:20,333 would find its way into Thomas John Anderson's 279 00:12:20,417 --> 00:12:23,458 hit off-Broadway play, Shower of Shame. 280 00:12:25,792 --> 00:12:27,542 Meanwhile, downtown, 281 00:12:27,625 --> 00:12:30,792 Samantha was preparing to see God. 282 00:12:33,041 --> 00:12:36,041 I know it's only been a couple of weeks, 283 00:12:36,125 --> 00:12:37,917 but I love you, Samantha. 284 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,166 Oh, I love you too. 285 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:50,250 Oh, honey, I can't wait any longer. 286 00:12:50,333 --> 00:12:53,208 Just unzip and get over here. 287 00:13:05,625 --> 00:13:07,834 Okay, I'm ready. 288 00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:09,709 Put it in. 289 00:13:09,792 --> 00:13:12,333 It is in. 290 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:15,709 Samantha said a little prayer that he was kidding. 291 00:13:16,417 --> 00:13:17,875 He wasn't. 292 00:13:19,875 --> 00:13:21,166 Sunday morning, 293 00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:24,583 a time for rest, a time for relaxation, 294 00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:26,875 a time for spying. 295 00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:29,625 The plan was simple, just get a look at the mother, 296 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,625 then Miranda and I would go for eggs. 297 00:13:31,709 --> 00:13:33,625 Look at how crowded it is. 298 00:13:33,709 --> 00:13:34,667 What a sham. 299 00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:35,792 Will you lighten up? 300 00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:37,667 It's a Presbyterian church, not a Catholic one. 301 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,959 Whatever, Catholics, Episcopalians, 302 00:13:40,041 --> 00:13:41,667 Buddhists, Shakers, Quakers, 303 00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:44,667 all the same, all designed to fuck up our sex lives. 304 00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:45,875 Here, pray. 305 00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:48,542 Oh, there they are. 306 00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:50,291 - Where? - Right there. 307 00:13:50,375 --> 00:13:54,500 As I watched Mr. Big standing quietly next to his mother, 308 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:57,667 tall, proud, respectful, 309 00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:00,625 I think I fell a little bit more in love with him. 310 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,875 Let us pray. 311 00:14:02,959 --> 00:14:04,875 We come together this day... 312 00:14:04,959 --> 00:14:05,959 We're out of here. 313 00:14:06,041 --> 00:14:07,667 ...to receive your blessings... 314 00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:10,041 ...Lord and Savior... 315 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,166 Here they come. 316 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,542 I say we make a break for it. 317 00:14:21,625 --> 00:14:23,291 No, no, they saw me, I have to say hello. 318 00:14:23,375 --> 00:14:25,500 I can't just pray and run. 319 00:14:25,583 --> 00:14:27,500 Oh, there they are. 320 00:14:27,583 --> 00:14:29,166 Okay, go, I'm fine. 321 00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:30,417 Go. 322 00:14:33,709 --> 00:14:36,542 Aren't you the young lady who made all that noise? 323 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,750 Slippery gloves. 324 00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:39,709 Morning. 325 00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:41,792 - Good morning. - It's a lovely church. 326 00:14:41,875 --> 00:14:43,500 Yes, isn't it? 327 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:44,959 Don't you think it's lovely? 328 00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:47,709 Mother, this is my friend, Carrie. 329 00:14:47,792 --> 00:14:49,208 I searched her face, 330 00:14:49,291 --> 00:14:51,458 looking for the light of recognition. 331 00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,375 But there was nothing. 332 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,000 Carrie, Carrie. 333 00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:57,959 I'm just gonna go and say goodbye to the pastor. 334 00:14:58,041 --> 00:14:59,959 It was lovely meeting you. 335 00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:03,834 "My friend, Carrie"? 336 00:15:03,917 --> 00:15:06,166 You show up at church after I asked you not to. 337 00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,959 What are you trying to do, test me? 338 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:10,500 Why all the sudden interest in meeting my mother? 339 00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:12,291 Well, has the woman ever even heard of me? 340 00:15:12,375 --> 00:15:15,000 My mother doesn't need to meet another girlfriend. 341 00:15:15,709 --> 00:15:17,166 Oh. 342 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,208 I didn't mean that... 343 00:15:21,625 --> 00:15:22,709 I mean, 344 00:15:22,792 --> 00:15:25,583 I'll introduce you as my girlfriend when I'm sure. 345 00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:27,417 Oh. 346 00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:31,542 Look, I have to do things on my time frame. 347 00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:33,166 Time frame? 348 00:15:33,250 --> 00:15:35,333 We've been going out for months. 349 00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:41,750 I really don't know what else to say to you. 350 00:15:41,834 --> 00:15:43,041 We'll get there. 351 00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,000 You just have to have a little faith. 352 00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:46,125 Faith? 353 00:15:46,208 --> 00:15:47,709 Yeah. 354 00:15:47,792 --> 00:15:49,834 Look, in a couple days we're going on vacation, 355 00:15:49,917 --> 00:15:51,041 we'll have plenty of time to talk this out. 356 00:15:51,125 --> 00:15:53,583 Right now I've got to get my mother home, okay? 357 00:15:53,667 --> 00:15:55,000 Well, go. 358 00:15:56,875 --> 00:15:58,500 Just go. 359 00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:16,083 Move over. 360 00:16:21,709 --> 00:16:23,625 I didn't leave. 361 00:16:23,709 --> 00:16:25,917 You didn't seem fine. 362 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,083 He introduced me to his mother as a friend. 363 00:16:30,792 --> 00:16:32,667 She never heard of me. 364 00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:35,875 That isn't a good sign. 365 00:16:37,542 --> 00:16:39,125 Maybe they're not that close. 366 00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:41,375 Come on, don't lie, you're in a church. 367 00:16:46,458 --> 00:16:48,542 I can't get inside. 368 00:16:50,291 --> 00:16:53,125 I don't know what else I can do. 369 00:16:55,041 --> 00:16:57,792 Later that night, in the church of disco, 370 00:16:57,875 --> 00:16:59,667 Stanford invited everyone he knew 371 00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:02,208 to a party to introduce a new fragrance... 372 00:17:02,291 --> 00:17:04,375 Fallen Angel. 373 00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:07,291 Hi, Carrie. 374 00:17:07,375 --> 00:17:08,792 Carrie! 375 00:17:08,875 --> 00:17:13,083 Also, he wanted to show off his new boyfriend, Alanne. 376 00:17:13,959 --> 00:17:15,792 - Hi. - Isn't this fun? 377 00:17:15,875 --> 00:17:18,500 It's like hell with a cover charge. 378 00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:20,208 Carrie, this is Alanne. 379 00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:21,667 Alanne, Carrie. 380 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,500 Hi, nice to meet you finally. 381 00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:24,375 You, too. 382 00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:25,750 Did I tell you that Alanne 383 00:17:25,834 --> 00:17:28,125 designed the Fallen Angel bottle? 384 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,667 Yes, congratulations! 385 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,417 Thank you. 386 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:33,625 Excuse me for a second. 387 00:17:33,709 --> 00:17:36,458 I just saw someone I want to say hello to. 388 00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:43,208 So you know what we did today? 389 00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:46,709 We shopped for deco cabinet handles 390 00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:48,041 for his armoire. 391 00:17:48,125 --> 00:17:49,792 I turned into one of those couples we hate, 392 00:17:49,875 --> 00:17:51,542 and I'm loving it! 393 00:17:51,625 --> 00:17:54,667 Stanford and Alanne worshiped the same God... 394 00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:55,875 style. 395 00:17:55,959 --> 00:17:59,417 So, you all excited for the big "vacationné"? 396 00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:00,750 Oh, I don't know. 397 00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:01,959 I can't help feeling like 398 00:18:02,041 --> 00:18:03,792 it's some sort of consolation prize 399 00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,834 for not letting me in his life. 400 00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:08,000 Well, what is going on with you two? 401 00:18:08,083 --> 00:18:10,083 We're not in the greatest place. 402 00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:12,250 What happened? 403 00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:14,834 He wouldn't introduce me to his mother. 404 00:18:15,417 --> 00:18:16,667 Ouch. 405 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,458 Thanks. 406 00:18:21,375 --> 00:18:23,333 Skipper, hi. 407 00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:26,917 It seems Stanford had invited everyone in his rolodex. 408 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,959 I, uh, I was hoping I'd see you here. 409 00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:32,333 I've been totally thinking about you since we broke up. 410 00:18:32,417 --> 00:18:33,375 You have? 411 00:18:33,458 --> 00:18:34,500 Totally. 412 00:18:36,041 --> 00:18:38,000 You look great. 413 00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:39,375 Thanks. 414 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,125 So do you. 415 00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:42,792 Miranda looked at Skipper, 416 00:18:42,875 --> 00:18:46,083 the months apart had shed a new light on him. 417 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:47,583 Actually, they'd shed a new light 418 00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:50,000 on his shower-free feelings about sex. 419 00:18:50,792 --> 00:18:51,917 Later that night, 420 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,125 the three of us tracked Samantha to the ladies room 421 00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:56,375 to get the lowdown on her love life with James. 422 00:18:56,458 --> 00:18:58,625 Here you are, we've been looking for you everywhere. 423 00:18:58,709 --> 00:19:01,625 So, how is everything? 424 00:19:01,709 --> 00:19:04,166 She means have you and James done it yet? 425 00:19:04,625 --> 00:19:05,792 Mm-hmm. 426 00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:07,083 And? 427 00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:10,125 It's nice. 428 00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:12,250 I'm so happy for you. 429 00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:17,959 Sweetie, what... what? What is it? 430 00:19:18,041 --> 00:19:19,542 Nothing. 431 00:19:23,834 --> 00:19:25,542 Hey. Hey! 432 00:19:25,625 --> 00:19:27,750 What's going on? Why are you crying? 433 00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,000 James has a small dick. 434 00:19:30,083 --> 00:19:33,166 Oh, well, it's not the end of the world. 435 00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:35,125 - It's really small. - How small? 436 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,500 - Too small. - Well, size isn't everything. 437 00:19:37,583 --> 00:19:38,500 Three inches? 438 00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:39,750 Well... 439 00:19:39,834 --> 00:19:42,166 -Hard? 440 00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:43,542 Is he a good kisser? 441 00:19:43,625 --> 00:19:45,208 Oh, who the fuck cares? 442 00:19:45,291 --> 00:19:47,458 His dick is like a gherkin! 443 00:19:47,542 --> 00:19:48,834 I feel so terrible. 444 00:19:48,917 --> 00:19:50,875 Listen to me, I'm a bad person. 445 00:19:50,959 --> 00:19:52,250 Don't beat yourself up. 446 00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:54,542 You had certain expectations and you're disappointed. 447 00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:55,500 Why? 448 00:19:55,583 --> 00:19:56,583 Why? 449 00:19:56,667 --> 00:19:58,959 Why does he have to have a small dick? 450 00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:01,291 I really like him. 451 00:20:01,375 --> 00:20:03,083 I thought you loved him. 452 00:20:03,166 --> 00:20:04,000 Well... 453 00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:06,166 Oh, look, we've all been there. 454 00:20:06,250 --> 00:20:07,208 That's for sure. 455 00:20:07,291 --> 00:20:09,000 I was once with a guy the size of one of those 456 00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,792 little miniature golf pencils. 457 00:20:10,875 --> 00:20:13,625 I couldn't tell if he was trying to fuck me or erase me. 458 00:20:16,166 --> 00:20:18,583 I'm... I'm sorry, it's just... It's funny. 459 00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:20,917 Let's not lose perspective. 460 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,542 There are ways to work around it. 461 00:20:22,625 --> 00:20:24,750 Well, I don't want to work around it. 462 00:20:24,834 --> 00:20:26,208 I love a big dick. 463 00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,792 I love it inside of me. 464 00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:30,750 I love looking at it, I love everything about it. 465 00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:34,000 When I blow him, it's like... 466 00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:36,542 Nothing. 467 00:20:36,625 --> 00:20:38,208 Nothing. 468 00:20:38,291 --> 00:20:40,041 Can you talk to him about it? 469 00:20:40,125 --> 00:20:41,542 No. 470 00:20:41,625 --> 00:20:44,458 It's the only thing we can't talk about. 471 00:20:47,083 --> 00:20:48,792 What am I gonna do? 472 00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:51,792 How is he with his tongue? 473 00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,375 Charlotte left us all behind 474 00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:58,834 telling us she had another party to go to. 475 00:21:00,583 --> 00:21:02,458 She took a cab to a part of town 476 00:21:02,542 --> 00:21:05,041 never mentioned in The New Yorker. 477 00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:06,834 Will I ever get married? 478 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:13,250 I call the power of all the saints. 479 00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:14,417 Saint Lazarus. 480 00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:15,792 Santa Rosa. 481 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,083 Saint Rosa, send me your guidance. 482 00:21:19,709 --> 00:21:20,667 Send me the truth. 483 00:21:24,291 --> 00:21:26,000 Send me an answer. 484 00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:38,792 No yolk. 485 00:21:38,875 --> 00:21:40,125 What does that mean? 486 00:21:41,917 --> 00:21:43,166 You'll never be married. 487 00:21:45,583 --> 00:21:46,917 You are cursed. 488 00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:49,208 But do not worry, 489 00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:52,417 for the hundred dollars, we can remove it. 490 00:21:58,250 --> 00:21:59,583 The entire way home, 491 00:21:59,667 --> 00:22:02,709 Charlotte berated herself for being so foolish. 492 00:22:02,792 --> 00:22:04,625 She simply refused to give into the idea 493 00:22:04,709 --> 00:22:06,583 that she would never get married. 494 00:22:06,667 --> 00:22:07,709 - Sorry. - Sorry. 495 00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:09,750 All she had to do was keep believing 496 00:22:09,834 --> 00:22:11,375 and it would happen. 497 00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,834 It was 3:00 a.m. in the church of disco, 498 00:22:16,917 --> 00:22:19,750 and Miranda couldn't believe what she was about to say. 499 00:22:19,834 --> 00:22:21,792 You want to spend the night? 500 00:22:21,875 --> 00:22:22,709 The night? 501 00:22:22,792 --> 00:22:25,000 The whole night? 502 00:22:25,083 --> 00:22:27,458 Yeah, the whole night. 503 00:22:30,959 --> 00:22:32,583 I knew we'd get back together. 504 00:22:32,667 --> 00:22:34,125 You did, huh? 505 00:22:34,917 --> 00:22:36,000 Yup... 506 00:22:36,083 --> 00:22:39,375 Every night I'd light a candle and say a little prayer. 507 00:22:40,458 --> 00:22:41,917 You're a freak. 508 00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:45,667 Samantha tried desperately to believe 509 00:22:45,750 --> 00:22:48,041 that love was stronger than sex. 510 00:22:49,667 --> 00:22:51,083 Why are you crying? 511 00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:54,583 I'm just so happy. 512 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,333 I stayed up all night 513 00:23:01,417 --> 00:23:03,083 questioning my faith in faith. 514 00:23:03,166 --> 00:23:06,709 I mean, hadn't I had faith in us all along? 515 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,625 Faith that all the withholding would stop... 516 00:23:16,583 --> 00:23:19,000 Faith that he'd say, "I love you." 517 00:23:19,083 --> 00:23:20,291 Let's go! 518 00:23:20,375 --> 00:23:24,208 Hey, hurry, we're gonna miss the plane. 519 00:23:24,291 --> 00:23:26,667 Wait, wait, wait, put them down a second. 520 00:23:27,625 --> 00:23:29,291 Just put them down. 521 00:23:31,417 --> 00:23:32,667 Okay. 522 00:23:33,834 --> 00:23:35,417 What? 523 00:23:36,625 --> 00:23:39,083 I need a sign. 524 00:23:39,166 --> 00:23:43,250 I mean, you told me to have faith, but see, um, 525 00:23:43,333 --> 00:23:46,458 I'm kind of losing mine, so, so... 526 00:23:47,667 --> 00:23:48,834 I need a sign. 527 00:23:48,917 --> 00:23:51,250 What, like in those old religious movies, 528 00:23:51,333 --> 00:23:53,542 you want a voice from above? 529 00:23:53,625 --> 00:23:55,667 Just tell me I'm the one. 530 00:23:56,917 --> 00:23:59,500 Come on, you don't have to tell your mother 531 00:23:59,583 --> 00:24:01,834 or the whole world, just... 532 00:24:03,917 --> 00:24:05,500 Just tell me. 533 00:24:21,542 --> 00:24:23,417 I can't do this. 534 00:24:24,458 --> 00:24:26,709 Carrie, Carrie. 535 00:24:28,083 --> 00:24:32,208 Carrie, just get in the car, please. 536 00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:34,709 I can't. 537 00:24:36,709 --> 00:24:38,875 I love you, but I can't. 538 00:24:44,542 --> 00:24:46,583 So that's it? 539 00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:02,208 ♪ No regrets ♪ 540 00:25:04,083 --> 00:25:10,458 ♪ Although our love affair has gone astray ♪ 541 00:25:10,542 --> 00:25:15,375 ♪ No regrets ♪ 542 00:25:15,458 --> 00:25:18,250 After he left, I cried for a week. 543 00:25:20,250 --> 00:25:22,959 And then I realized I do have faith... 544 00:25:23,041 --> 00:25:25,959 Faith in myself. 545 00:25:26,041 --> 00:25:28,667 Faith that I would one day meet someone 546 00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:32,166 who would be sure that I was the one. 547 00:25:32,250 --> 00:25:37,417 ♪ Still in my heart you'll be ♪ 548 00:25:38,083 --> 00:25:42,875 ♪ Forever mine ♪ 549 00:25:44,166 --> 00:25:47,750 ♪ No regrets ♪